The Holidays

THE HOLIDAYS-----We made it to the other side w/o too much regression and testing:)

She had absolutely no facial recognition to St. Nick or Santa Claus and nothing about Jesus. So we have started from scratch. She loves to read her stories about Baby Jesus. Santa and presents seemed to disturb her a bit because I think she didn't think she would get any. We've asked the grandparents not to go anywhere close to overboard on this Christmas trying to make up for lost Christmas's. We also tried to teach her about giving and that SHE has something special to give. Her favorite story and song was Frosty the Snowman. It probably helped to have 22 inches of snow dropped on us right before Christmas.

She had a good time preparing for Christmas: decorating the tree, making cookies, making presents, learning new songs, playing in the snow, sledding, and enjoying the grandparents. Her brother helped her get excited for Christmas so it was pretty cute. She also enjoyed church because they gave her a jingle bell to ring during the service. She suffered through some stomach bug that "flew" through the house during Christmas. That wasn't so fun.

She is also now 4. We celebrated her b-day right before the New Year. She loved her cake, banners, balloons, and a few presents. She was a little scared with the candles in her cake, but made it through with help from her dad. She is celebrating her b-day this week at school. Everyone paying attention to her can be difficult, so we'll keep our fingers crossed that it goes okay.

All in all, she is doing pretty well. She is trying really hard to be a "big girl" most of the time, with both behavior and using the potty. Most importantly, she is proud of herself that she is trying to be a "big girl." This week she has started asking "why?" Not sure if she is really interested in why - but she likes to ask the question.

Technical Issues with Transitioning--

Good thing the books all tell you not to expect a holiday to be breezy easy, with an adopted chid. Since Halloween Alissa has been regressing in many areas. Her speech has continued to improve dramatically, but her behavior has been - well - not the best. As we have gotten closer to Christmas her panic attacks have started back-up and she cries in the middle of the night sometimes. We did alot of research and spent some solid dedicated time to helping her through this issue.

Finally, I decided that she didn't know what being a "big girl" meant. I think she thought it meant she made up all of the rules and did whatever she wanted. Everytime she thought she wasn't going to get what she wanted she went all out into a tempertantrum. There was no time to talk through what she wanted, or why - just screaming, hitting, biting, etc. This escalates because once she is yelling we will not change our mind. So I decided I had to help her learn what you do when you want something and you think mom or dad will say no. An example, was she wanted to go on a walk. I would say, great let's go, can you use the potty first. THAT wasn't what she wanted to do so - temper tantrum. Ugh! So I THINK she finally understands that she needs to say what she wants to do and THEN listen to the answer. It may well be no and that is okay, or we might change it up a bit. It was painful, but I think we made it to the other side of the mountain. We did alot of role playing after she was finished screaming. Where we went back and recreated the scene and tried again. Then we talked about how much easier and happier we were when we didn't yell, etc. We've also had to work on the concept that mom and dad have the right to help her because it is our job. She was having tempertantrums because I helped her put on her shoe, after she asked for help. I think she now knows this just isn't what "big girls" really do.

We now have a picture of her on the fridge during one of her really great spells. She was so happy in the picture and it was a memorable day so she knows how she acted and how she felt. Each day we look at the picture and talk about the choice she has to make - does she want to be this girl? Then we talk about what she does to be that girl and what that girl doesn't do. Then I ask her who the girl in the picture is - when she says her name, I say - and where is she? I find that I can ask her to go look at the "big girl" on the fridge when she is getting ready to get really upset and ask her to make a choice to be this "big girl". We talk about the fact that she has a choice and I know she can do it if she wants to. We've made enough progress that she could go back to school, hopefully we can start ballet again next week.

I do also think that the holidays are dredging up some bad memories and she is having more panic attacks. We hadn't seen these since the first weeks we were here. The panic attacks just make you so sad for her, because you can tell how very scared she is. Interestingly last night we were able to talk through her panic attack together and reach a point where I could comfort her. She was able to tell me that she wanted me to sing to her, that she wanted to sit in my lap, but that I couldn't pick her up and put her there. She also couldn't move out of the fetal position so we had an issue, but eventually she pushed her butt up in the air, swung it around and she landed in my lap. I was able to then hold her shoulders and lean her back. Once there, the singing pulled her completely out of the "attack" and she went back to sleep. I actually felt good after this one.

She is doing a great job playing with her brother and learning to say hi to other kids. He is teaching her how to pretend play and it is so cute to watch her pretend to play whatever he showed her the next day. Playing with other kids is harder. She spent so much time trying to disappear that she really has to stick herself out there to speak to another kid and play with them. But she loves playing with kids so much, so she is trying very hard. This week she played with another kid at school for the first time. Hooray! She is also copying everything she sees other kids do. Every bad habit is coming home to talk about and attempt to model out of existence.

Through all of this she has had another speech evaluation, an MRI, physical therapy, and social therapy support. All of the doctors are tiring, but, the base information that we were given in Poland is pretty much holding up. They didn't have all of the info, but everything we were provided correlates with information we have learned through the doctor visits and tests. Unfortunately, we had to go through all of this to convince the county that the information provided in Poland was accurate and she does need extra support. I think we will get the support she needs from our county system, but man-oh-man you really have to advocate for your child and make sure they don't walk all over you in the process.

So I think I can safely say that we have probably learned as much as she has over the past few months:)